ADDENDUM:

The previous post is a paper that I wrote for British Novel--one that has been on my heart, really, since Christmas and the fading of some precious beautiful relationships, and my own anguished soul-searching about the impossibility of knowing, really knowing anyone. I remember that while I was in the throes of this crisis, feeling alone, inadequate, and ashamed, I stumbled across Matthew Arnold's The Buried Life in my quote book (an inevitable recourse during such moments). It hardly encouraged me. (Here's an excerpt:

But often, in the world's most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;
A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course;
A longing to inquire
Into the mystery of this heart which beats
So wild, so deep in us--to know
Whence our lives come and where they go.
And many a man in his own breast then delves,
But deep enough, alas! none ever mines.
...Hardly had skill to utter one of all
The nameless feelings that course through our breast,
But they course on for ever unexpress'd.
And long we try in vain to speak and act
Our hidden self, and what we say and do
Is eloquent, is well--but 'tis not true!)

I read those words, and despaired. I know I sound melodramatic, but if you think really hard about those words, and apply them to your own situation, I think you'll find yourself despairing as well.

Thankfully I have a God who knows my needs. The Holy Spirit guided me to Psalm 139 in my quest for comfort, and there I read these words:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying downand are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morningand dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me,and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,and the light about me be night,”even the darkness is not dark to you;the night is bright as the day,for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;my soul knows it very well.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.I awake, and I am still with you.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me!

Someday (this summer?) I want to write more fully about the indescribable comfort of knowing that I have been known by God. Ponder it for yourself! I assure you that only by realizing this, and by seeking to know Him in return through His Word and Spirit, will you ever experience true communion with anyone. And that is not something you want to miss.