(My rebuttal to the gross inaccuracies in the nutshell recorded September 18th, 2009 in Peri's fabulous sprintingtofloor3.blogspot.com)
I have the progress report you asked for, Mr. Hammersmith.
Ah, Hopkins. Excellent. Tell me about the new heroine. What’s the basic sketch so far?
Well, sir, she’s a 22 year old college grad. Average height. Has the liveliest eyes—the sort that any Mr. Darcy would fall for, and the sort of vibrant presence that we look for in a heroine. Spunk, I believe you call it, sir. She’s a current resident of St. Louis suburbia, but she’s been places and definitely appears to be going places, too.
Sounds pretty straightforward. Well, first things first: Relationship status. Married? Engaged? Dating?
No. *suppresses a look of deep relief* She is still solidly single.
Well then, she must have some avenue of meeting a nice young man—
Sir, you try and find a gentleman suitable to match a lady of her considerable merit. It’s a challenge worthy of your utmost endeavors.
...Okay. Is she financially stable?
Not at all. She’s living at home for an indefinite amount of time. She can’t afford an apartment or even a car of her very own.
Very Good, Hopkins. Financial setbacks are merely the guise that tremendous opportunities often take. I submit Austen and Bronte, among others, to your consideration. Does she have a career?
No. She’s trying to stay afloat in this wretched economy by jumping from job to job, while never quite managing to get a foot inside the door of her chosen field.
Any hobbies?
She... *a glint of excitement in the voice* writes.
A writer, eh! Has she gotten anything published?
No, sir. She’s your ideal starving artist type. Imagine the fanfare, once she’s discovered.
Calm yourself, Hopkins. Has she ever tried to get anything published?
No, none of her books are anywhere near completion. She’s at that crucial germinal phase of her writing life. A very interesting phase it looks to be, too, sir, if I may be so bold.
Is there any more about the heroine’s life that is interesting or has any indication of moving forward?
A few miscellanea to wrap things up, sir. Her friends are following her trajectory with the deepest interest, in hopes of piggybacking on her fame once it arrives. They will need to be monitored. She wants to move to Australia, which will boost that nation’s literary clout. Taking her on would thus improve international relations and perhaps incur some of that Nobel buzz that you are so fond of.
Hopkins, where’s my lighter? Pour some wine and break out the cigars. You’ve found us our heroine at last, and she’s one to celebrate in style.
I have the progress report you asked for, Mr. Hammersmith.
Ah, Hopkins. Excellent. Tell me about the new heroine. What’s the basic sketch so far?
Well, sir, she’s a 22 year old college grad. Average height. Has the liveliest eyes—the sort that any Mr. Darcy would fall for, and the sort of vibrant presence that we look for in a heroine. Spunk, I believe you call it, sir. She’s a current resident of St. Louis suburbia, but she’s been places and definitely appears to be going places, too.
Sounds pretty straightforward. Well, first things first: Relationship status. Married? Engaged? Dating?
No. *suppresses a look of deep relief* She is still solidly single.
Well then, she must have some avenue of meeting a nice young man—
Sir, you try and find a gentleman suitable to match a lady of her considerable merit. It’s a challenge worthy of your utmost endeavors.
...Okay. Is she financially stable?
Not at all. She’s living at home for an indefinite amount of time. She can’t afford an apartment or even a car of her very own.
Very Good, Hopkins. Financial setbacks are merely the guise that tremendous opportunities often take. I submit Austen and Bronte, among others, to your consideration. Does she have a career?
No. She’s trying to stay afloat in this wretched economy by jumping from job to job, while never quite managing to get a foot inside the door of her chosen field.
Any hobbies?
She... *a glint of excitement in the voice* writes.
A writer, eh! Has she gotten anything published?
No, sir. She’s your ideal starving artist type. Imagine the fanfare, once she’s discovered.
Calm yourself, Hopkins. Has she ever tried to get anything published?
No, none of her books are anywhere near completion. She’s at that crucial germinal phase of her writing life. A very interesting phase it looks to be, too, sir, if I may be so bold.
Is there any more about the heroine’s life that is interesting or has any indication of moving forward?
A few miscellanea to wrap things up, sir. Her friends are following her trajectory with the deepest interest, in hopes of piggybacking on her fame once it arrives. They will need to be monitored. She wants to move to Australia, which will boost that nation’s literary clout. Taking her on would thus improve international relations and perhaps incur some of that Nobel buzz that you are so fond of.
Hopkins, where’s my lighter? Pour some wine and break out the cigars. You’ve found us our heroine at last, and she’s one to celebrate in style.
No comments:
Post a Comment